At the beginning of this year, I set up a lot of specific pottery related goals. I scheduled at least 1-2 art markets every month and I was going to make so many pots. Then I got thrown into a whirlwind of traveling mid-year through, and haven't had a chance to sit down and do pottery for 3 months. I've traveled to a few African countries on short notice and just got back home for a few days before heading out to Italy for two weeks (this time actually for vacation).
I can hardly believe it is September already and I haven't done all the things I set out to do from January 1st. I feel completely incompetent and my brain is scrambled from trying to catch up to all the jet lags. Yet for the first time in a long time, I am so incredibly flooded with gratefulness and content.
I am a list kind of girl. I love making to-do lists, things I am grateful for, an email with bullets delegating detailed responsibilities to others, and possibly a checklist of grocery items before I head out the door. It is absolutely against my nature to be unproductive. Idleness gives me anxiety, a lot of it. So when I had to travel for weeks to a different continent for work, I was extremely excited and nervous, excited that I get a chance to see a completely different world, yet nervous that I cannot control my own emotions & overwhelm.
I am not going to sugarcoat it and tell you, my dearest friends, that this is a all-smiling story, because it wasn't. It was more like a scary, wonderful wilderness of the safaris I visited, with sprinkles of breathtaking awe. There are days I work from early morning to late evening, crying at night stressed out and missing home; there are days I was having anxiety attacks and running on the street, then I got distracted by the monkeys on the side of the road; and there are days I am laying awake in bed, absolutely sweating just by existing because the city is having a blackout, and there are no electricity.
But there are other days, where I was completely taken over by a group of school kids wanting to take a picture with me in front of the national park; where I saw baby rhinos galloping behind his mom because he was scared of the vultures that are only half his size; where I saw the sunrise through the trees just like the opening of the Lion King on a safari, there's days I feasted on all the foreign food I have never tried before.
I couldn't have imagined what my 2023 would be like at the beginning of this year. I had very structured disciplined plans on how this year was going to go, and fortunately, that didn't happen at all. Instead, I went on adventures across the world and harvested so much more love, friendship, and support than I ever imagined I had. Even though I have been unproductive in the sense that these goals I set for myself didn't come into fruition, but I have gained much more precious little things in life that I wouldn't exchange it for the world.
I am not very good at giving advice, but if you feel unproductive, sometimes I feel like you might be getting more and better things than you set out to receive. So sit back and look for the sparkles above the horizon.
With much love,
Jingjing
